Monday, March 18, 2013

Batman & Robin

SPOILER WARNING!!! This Post spoils movie Batman & Robin.

I started watching this movie waiting for one of the worst movies ever made. I have to say it was not that bad. First time I feel like that after watching this movie. Previous time I thought it can't be that bad before watching and thinking it was worse after watching. Now I was more analytical while watching and that had some effect. Worst problem of this movie is that you don't care what happens to characters. Movie makes you not care in first fifteen minutes. Here is recap what happens during that time.

Movie starts with suit humor including asses in rubber suits and bat nipples. Then we see batcave with all unnecessary light shows. Cracked have good article how many people Batman had to kill to keep batcave secret. Link at the end of this post, you should read this before going there. It is not good sign when you start to think articles like that while watching the movie. When Batman and Robin are driving to Gotham City they are told that Mr Freeze is there. Important point is that they had left batcave when they heard about Mr Freeze. Mr Freeze is in museum. Batman comes through roof window and Robin comes through door with motor bike leaving Robin sign hole to door. Robin almost breaks one vase. Batman tells him if he breaks he buys. I guess he is buying window through which he came to museum and makes Robin buy the door through which Robin came to museum.

Mr Freeze has frozen the museum and fight between Batman, Robin and Mr Freezes gang turns in to ice hockey match. Luckily Batman and Robin had had boots with blades. Remember that I told they had left batcave when they heard about Mr Freeze. Why would they have these boots? This is little compared to what will follow. Mr Freeze has rocket that can be launched to space in his car. Only reason he had the rocket is that he can get Batman to rocket and launch Batman to space. Against all odds this happens. Batman jumps into rocket and Mr Freeze freezes Batman to wall of rocket.  When rocket is pretty high in the sky, Mr Freeze jumps off the rocket without parachute. He planned all this and didn't get parachute. Ok, he had some small wings but those are so small that those would not save him. That is nothing compared to what Batman and Robin does. Robin saves Batman from the wall and both jump off the rocket using rocket doors as surfboards.

Batman catches Mr Freeze during fall and Mr Freeze loses his wings. But that don't kill any of them. Mr Freeze freezes ground beneath him. I don't know how that should save him. I like to know if there is any science behind this. I can't think anything. What I know about cold and ice that should make fall more dangerous. Batman and Robin use their ropes to stop their fall. That is very believable when they fall from almost space. Mr Freeze escapes when he freezes Robin and Batman had to save Robin. After all this I don't know why I should care.

Stupidity is toned down after this but credibility of movie is eaten piece by piece during movie. There is bat credit card issued to Batman valid forever. Why would anyone who wants to keep his identity secret have credit card unless they are movie character and credit card company sponsors the movie. Characters have vehicles which only reason to be in movie is to have more toys to sell. Why would Batman and Robin have vehicles which can only be used on ice?

In this movie we have third Batman in fourth movie. George Clooney doesn't seem to know what kind of movie he is and what he should do. I doesn't seem to take his role seriously. He can act. We have seen that in other movies. I think problem is that he doesn't take this role seriously. Chris O'Donnell is same annoying teenager he was in Batman Forever. Now he has bigger role. Alicia Silverstone is also there. She is there. Yes, she is there in scenes but doesn't do much more than wear clothes and say words. None of heroes carry the movie they just are there saying the words. Chris O'Donnell at least tries. Others just are there.

Mr Freeze was badly written. He had three or four different personalities and movie didn't mention mental disorder. One liners were annoying. This character should have been possessed scientist who does crimes to have resources to save his wife. In this movie he looked like did crimes because he enjoyed it. Schwarzenegger wasn't the best choise for the role but with good director and better script he could have managed to do this role. Too bad that movie didn't have good script or director. Poison Ivy was better written but Uma Thurman was not correct actress for this role. She tries but she doesn't have what this role requires. She was too nice girl for this role. Bane was piece of meat pumped full of steroids and poison. He wasn't scary. Actor inside that suit was wrestler. He should have had athletic abilities. I guess suit didn't let him use his athleticism. He was more of a joke than scary villain.

This is bad movie and my post telling what was wrong with this movie is twice the length of my normal posts. And I didn't wrote everything that was wrong in this movie. That would have made this much longer.  If you think about script, this could have been good movie with few changes. Director with vision could have made this work. Casting was bad. There was nobody carrying the movie like Val Kilmer did in Batman Forever. There was no great acting like in Batman Returns. Story had darkness of Batman movie. Either actors could not take us there or director didn't want to take use there. This was mix of earlier movies and 60s Batman without being either one.

Here is the link I promised. I didn't read it through this time, but I am pretty sure it spoils Batman movies and comics.

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