Alone in the Dark (2005)

SPOILER WARNING!!! This post spoils movie Alone in the Dark (2005).

I am not sure, if I have seen this before. It feels like, my brains want to forget, this movie exists. I didn't remember what will happen next, but ending felt like I have seen this movie before. Couple other scenes felt like that too. There is not much to remember. There is little point to remember what happened earlier in movie during the movie. It may even be better, if you don't remember earlier scenes, because phasing of the scenes is terrible. You get slow romantic scene followed by urban warfare in same apartment. Later you get largest battle of the movie followed by quiet suspenseful scenes. No building into any of this. You just wonder, what happened to battle, because you don't see solders losing the battle. Last time it looked like they were holding their ground.

You can't expect characters to act constantly. Early in the movie Professor Hudges seems to be scared of Xenos. Later in movie, there is a scene, where he seems to control Xenos. He injected Xeno's blood in one scene, but why he didn't do that before earlier scene, because he seemed to have one Xeno prisoned and he didn't get that during the movie. Maybe there were many things happening out side the screen, which makes the movie make sense, but we just didn't see them.

10 000 year ago Abkani civilization found door to dark world. They locked the door and hide the key around the world. What they found managed to kill them. 20 years ago, 20 orphan kids were infested with dark world creatures by professor Hudges. Present day, one of these kids, Edward Carnby, is looking for Abkani artifacts. All pieces of the key are found, but they are in hands of different people. Professor Hudges want to have the key to open the door to dark world. Bald guy attacks Carnby. Bald guy can't be killed with bullets. He dies, when he is impaled with sharp tool. Bald guy was infested with dark creature, which gave him extraordinary powers. Later these people are easily shot, because they have special bullets and lights, that hurt dark creatures. Except that those lights didn't have any effect. But better, if you don't remember too much what movie tells you.

Should I go deeper into Carnby's ex-girlfriend, who haven't seen Carnby for six year and who thinks he is dead, but she still has key to Carnby's apartment? I guess I shouldn't, because Uwe Boll cut virtually all of her scenes from director's cut. She was female lead of this movie. I haven't seen director's cut, so I can't tell, if that made movie any better or worse. Out of curiosity I would like to see what that would looks like.

Movie continues as supernatural thriller until Carnby and ex-girlfriend have sex. Right after that it turns into special force solder fighting a war against Xenos and their infected humans. Fighting scenes are terrible. They are just solders firing their guns in darkness. You have no idea, what is actually happening. Just people posing with guns and shooting. I wonder, where all these solder come from. They act so stupidly, it is miracle they have survived this long. Or this is their first real mission and they get killed in it, because they are so bad. Highest officer knows, how bad they are. He goes first into cave, where they expect to find enemies. His is followed by two civilians. I know these are main characters, but you should try to make special forces look more professional.

Our heroes find door to dark world inside cave. They explode it to shut it. When they get back on the ground, it is day and city, where they are, is evacuated. All fighting and destroying the door happened during night time. When they climbed to ground it was day. Do I need to mention, that movie didn't hint anything about evacuation? We just learned that all special force solders were killed. Before fighting scenes movie hinted only one Xeno on the loose. During fighting there are dozens of them. Where did they came from? The door had been closed for 10 000 year. Where Professor Hudges got his Xeno? Am I asking too much?

Movie is really bad, but it is not Manos. It is what you could expect from Uwe Boll. Again, I can't pinpoint any one thing, which makes the movie so bad. Now actors tried more than in BloodRayne. It feels like everyone tried, but the movie is really bad. Makes you wonder, who gives Uwe Boll money to make these movies. Do these movies really return the money put into them? I have heard the story about German tax exemptions, but I am not sure if should I believe it.