Thursday, May 29, 2014

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) - What is wrong with action scenes

SPOILER WARNING!!! This post spoils movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009).

I didn't plan this post. I just felt I had to write this. Previous post was long enough without going into detail, what was wrong in action scenes. Action scenes were so full of stupidity, they deserve their own post. I will call McCullen's gang Cobra, because it is easier. Gang became Cobra, when Rex took over at the end, but they were like Cobra from get go. I don't go through every action scene, only major ones.

First action scene. Cobra solders don't take cover. They just walk against enemy fire. They may have heavy armor, but Baroness didn't have. She had leather outfit and no helmet. She walked into enemy fire with other solders. She must have known, she was on movie, where good guys don't shoot women even by accident. Special forces couldn't do anything against Cobra and every shot by Cobra did huge damage to special forces. Duke was member of special forces at this point. He was only one, who could hurt Cobra solders until G.I. Joe showed up. They could kill Cobra solders, but Cobra solders couldn't hit G.I. Joe. This was similar to cartoons, but as live action it looked stupid.

Second action scene. Cobra attacks to G.I. Joe base. They have Baroness, Storm Shadow, Zartan and few Cobra solders. Zartan is guy, who has trained for years to replace U.S. President. Now he is sent on suicide mission to enemy base. All he does there is to dress as G.I. Joe solder. Baroness and Storm Shadow can move around base in their own clothes and anyone could have dressed as G.I. Joe solder. So there was no point of putting Zartan on this mission. Only reason him being there, was to get shot reminding of director's earlier movie The Mummy. Cobra kills all G.I. Joe solders until they get to Hawk. They left him alive, able to trigger alarm. In following fight Scarlett has invisibility clothes. She attacks Baroness without turning them on. She puts invisibility on, when Baroness strangles her. By that time Baroness knows, who she is fighting against and can throw something sticky on Scarlett. Invisibility clothes were quite useless in this situation, because Scarlett didn't use then like she should have used them.

Third action scene. G.I. Joe chases Baroness and Storm Shadow in Paris. This is one of the most annoying chase scenes ever. It is so full of cgi, it is not exciting any more. Snake Eye jumps on Cobra's car. Cobra's car throws other cars onto Snake Eyes with some kind front spoiler. Snake Eyes jump over cars and manages to stay on roof of the car. Duke and Ripcord chase car in mechanical armors, which give them extra speed. They practically crash into everything. They shoot Cobra car with machine guns, when Snake Eyes is on roof. When Snake Eyes is on bottom of car they shoot with missiles. They knew, they were in movie, where there is no friendly fire. Cobra car shoots missiles and uses some kind of future weapon, that seems to hit something every time. Add Scarlett to this mess with motorbike. There is little point of her being there. Snake Eyes, Duke and Ripcord are already chasing car and they are better equipped. Scarlett is there to be saved by Ripcord.

After Baroness and Storm Shadow escapes, Breaker starts to read dead Cobra agent. When Cobra agent start to self destruct, Breaker puts on show how he failed. When Cobra agent is disintegrated, he tells he put that show for camera, that was on Cobra agents clothes. He does that in front of that said camera. Camera was on Cobra agent's clothes, so self-destruction of Cobra agent shouldn't have stopped the transmission. Breaker just told what he did to that camera too.

Final battle. Cobra's base has floor that triggers lasers, if it is pressured over size of a coin. That kind of system requires sophisticated sensors. It would have been easier to make floor trigger lasers, when weight was put on floor. That would have been Snake Eyes proof. All Snake Eyes acrobatics were for nothing, because destroying controls on another wall shut down the floor. They could have done that without touching the floor and it would have been quicker.

Ripcord shoots last warhead moments before it hits White House. He catched all nanomites on his plane. This time they attacked his plane and only his plane. On Paris cars near Eiffel tower got their share of nanomites. This time it was different. And once again ice sinks into sea. Snake Eyes, Breaker and Scarlett took elevator to top of the ice. But where they ended up, when ice sunk and Cobra base at the other end of elevator was destroyed. Did they got trapped inside elevator shaft. Movie doesn't explain how they survived. We know they survived, because we see them alive later. In real world they would have made to top of the ice since ice doesn't sink into ocean. But in this movie it did. So how Snake Eyes, Breaker and Scarlett survived? Did some of the ice work on real world rules and some worked on this movie's rules?


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