Stan Helsing (2009)

SPOILER WARNING!!! This post spoils movie Stan Helsing (2009).

I am pretty sure writers haven't seen Van Helsing (2004). Neither this movie has nothing to do with Dracula's nemesis Van Helsing. This is closer to the movie, which quite heavily reimagined Van Helsing and it has almost nothing to do with it. Hero's name is changed from Van Helsing to Stan Helsing. Mythical monsters are replaced with modern horror villains and hero is loser, who doesn't want to get involved.

Villain gallery includes Pinhead, Chucky, Jason, Freddy Kruger, Leatherface and Michael Myers. Jokes are on level of Freddy having problems on toilet. Writers really didn't know anything about these characters. Writers have just seen pictures of each villain and made jokes around that. Sorry, Freddy had short dream sequence. Someone must have told them about that. Surely they haven't seen anything they parody in this movie.

This is getting hard. Fourth parody in short time without anything interesting. Scary Movie 5 had celebrity cameos to give it some entertainment value. This doesn't have those. This is just like badly written serious movie with some parody elements and some dirty humor. It is reached to call it humor, but that is what it tries to be. I have never seen priest wearing lingerie in comedy. This must be extra funny, because in this he was almost priest. In other parodies best jokes came during credits. In this even cut scenes during credits are not funny. This makes those other movies look like masterpieces. I knew this was bad, but not this bad.

What you can say about movie, where funnies moments are heroes singing Ring of Fire in town destroyed by fire few years earlier and Team Villains singing YMCA with alternative lyrics. There must be a book telling comedies to go dirty, if they don't have good jokes. Disaster Movie and this went dirty and neither had any good jokes. Leslie Nielsen had one of his worst performances as old female waitress in this movie. It felt like he didn't even try. He was there saying his lines. He has come long way from Forbidden Planet (1956). His performance in this movie made me remember his only serious role I have seen. Forbidden Planet was good movie and it seems to be quite cheap on iTunes.

I think I will have break from parodies. I will get back to them and I have planned few better ones, if they don't disappear from streaming services. I started from ones I expected to be bad one. These four I have done are pretty much just waste of time. I could do something good next time. If only there was good scifi movie from 1956 on HD.

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