Monday, February 29, 2016

Sharknado 3 (2015)

First Sharknado was stupid but entertaining. Second time they increased everything and movie became more of celebrity cameo show than actual movie. Third time they don't even try to make entertaining movie. It is just what ideas they could throw into mix and even more celebrity cameos. Best part is shark eating Chris Jericho's ass. Lou Ferrigno's cameo was totally wasted by editing it badly.

I didn't expect to be bored during movie called Sharknado. Few times I just started to do something else because movie was so uninteresting. Movie never makes you care. It is just running from one scene to another. Scenes jump from one to another without anything connecting them together. Scenes are what movie makers thought was cool and where they wanted to go.

Characters just come and go. All cameos make acting really uneven in movie where there is no good acting. Nobody expect good acting from Sharknado movies. Some characters are just painfully bad because celebrities only wanted to be in movie not act well. Some just are in front of camera. No-one cared. Why should we care?

From get go we learn nothing will make sense and there are no rules. Sharks fly in corridors and get to safest bunker of White House. Now there is bigger sharkando than before. It needs David Hasselhoff, going to space and lightsaber like chainsaw. Everything is taken as far as possible. This makes movie so boring. You don't care because you know anything can happen and our heroes will survive. They act cool not like they would if they didn't know they they will survive anything.

There will fourth Sharknado movie. I just can see what they can do next time. This time they went to space. This didn't care about anything. There were too many celebrity cameos. They destroyed White House. How they could take things even further? I am not looking forward to it but I will probably watch it.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Tag / Riaru onigokko (2015)

I made my best movies of 2015 list before seeing Riaru onigokko. Ex Machina stays as my favorite movie of 2015. Riaru onigokko will drop everyone else one position. When I tried to get the movie on blu ray I could not find anything I could buy. Same goes for soundtrack. I would buy both if I could find them. At least I saw the movie.

Riaru onigokko tells about teenage school girl who is in all girl school. Her class goes to trip when mysterious force cuts upper half of the bus killing every one but the girl. Mysterious force hunts the girl cutting other teens half around her. After a while she runs into her class mates who are like nothing has happened. This starts weird and gory story.

I don't want to get into story any deeper. I don't like to spoil the movie. Everything makes sense in the end even though until major reveals story feels like total mess. It is same time weird, gory, cute, beautiful and bit sad. Asian movies can combine these elements. Western movies have more difficulties combining them.

Riaru onigokko is probably too weird and gory for general western audience. Those who can handle that get great mystery movie. I almost dropped genre name but that would be spoiling. Like Audition (1999) this works better if you don't know what to expect. Just don't check tags of this post.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Deadpool (2016)

Deadpool's marketing has been amazing since the "leaked" test video. I think it was not leaked just released to test reactions. Since then marketing campaign has been all over the place even portraying the movie as Valentine's Day movie. Which it actually is.

After the marketing campaign there was still little fear if they can still mess this up. They didn't. It was even better than I expected. One trailer felt like bar tender friend commented Deadpool's face too much. In movie that wasn't the case. Probably trailer had more comments than the movie and more importantly different comments.

In comics Deadpool is man who doesn't care and trash talks all the time. The movie is the same. It doesn't care. It makes jokes about Ryan Reynolds, Fox's X-Men reboot and movie's budget. Part of the fun is you don't know what will come out of Deadpool's mouth. You hear things you really don't expect to hear in Hollywood superhero movie. Deadpool is not your average superhero. The movie has the essence of Deadpool as well as it can be get in live action movie.

Jokes are offensive. Violence is brutal. I hope Deadpool teach studios they don't always need to aim for PG-13. Some movies need more violence and bad  language. PG-13 would have made this just another superhero movie. Being different makes it feel so fresh. There are so little rated R superhero movies any rated  R movie feels fresh. This is not only reason why Deadpool feel so good but it increases how good it feels.

Deadpool will end up on many top movies of 2016 lists. Deadpool is what superhero movies needed. It is doing so well some upcoming superhero movies may regret going for PG-13. Some superheros need rated R. I am looking at you Suicide Squad.

Thursday, February 11, 2016


This blog will go to one review per week mode. I will reconsider schedule April. Until that I need my creative energy on my new videos. Kvesti on Movies videos will come back bigger and better. Current target for first new video is April. After I have seen how much work new format requires I decide how often I will make those videos.

Next review will come next Monday and it is Deadpool. After that there will be new review every Monday. I might do some additional trailer commentaries if there are trailers I feel I have something to say about.

Monday, February 8, 2016

The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)

I like original stories. I wanted to like The Deaths of Ian Stone. It starts as interesting mystery but when everything is revealed it doesn't live up to promise of the first half. Story stays original but at least in this case chase is better than the catch.

Movie tells story of Ian Stone who dies every day and wakes up in different life next day. He sees same people but they are different than in previous life. In first life he is college ice hockey star. He is ripped of game winning goal which upsets him. Later that night he is killed which probably upsets him even more.

Next day he wakes up as office worker who sees someone dying. For some reason he remembers his life as college ice hockey star but no one else remember it and pictures have someone else as ice hockey star. He learns someone is after him and after few days and deaths he finds out what this all is about.

Plot is revealed bit by bit. It is interesting until you start to see where the movie is going. It feels like movie runs out of own ideas during last half. To underline this few characters look like cheap matrix rip-offs in early David Fincher movie. Story is not from Matrix. Only few designs are.

The Deaths of Ian Stone does many things correctly. It has potential but it loses the momentum by the end. I wish it was better because this original movies are too rare. It is worth checking if you are into mysteries.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

A Haunted House (2013) and A Haunted House 2 (2014)

I watched 50 Shades of Black review. Reviewers hated it and said it was as bad as A Haunted House 2. It got me curious. I had not seen the movie. It was available for streaming. As was the first movie. I got great idea to watch both back to back. I wanted to see how far Marlon Wayans have fallen. Don't be a Menace to South Central while Drinking Your Juice in the Hood is one of my all time favorite spoof movies and first Scary Movie was ok.

I don't think movies deserve own posts. When watched back to back they almost feel like same movie. In three hours there are only two funny jokes. First movie has Marlon Wayans packing his stuff and leave when he realizes the house is haunted. Second movie Marlon Wayans' former and current girl friend meet. To get to these jokes you have to endure long sex scenes with dolls, juvenile sex jokes, fart humor and rapid fire of bad jokes.

When I did my spoof movie marathon movies had references to everywhere. These two have much less references. I have not seen movies these two reference. I assume first one reference only one movie and some cliches. Second probably references three movies. First one don't jump as much as second one does. Both are as boring. Neither way was better.

Both movies are pretty much waste of time. I can understand why people hate them if they saw them at theater. At home you can play some music. I don't usually do that but these movies didn't have soundtrack or sound design. There were some sounds during "scary" parts but other than that there was no sound except people talking and probably some foley sounds. Most of the jokes are characters doing something they wouldn't do serious in movies or acting stereo typically. Add extended sex scenes with dolls and extended violence against chicken and possessed girlfriend and you understand why people who saw these in theater hated them.

What has happened to Marlon Wayans? He wrote these movies. It is not that someone made him do these movies. He wrote everything he did in these movies. Even extended sex scenes with dolls.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Seventh Son (2014)

Seventh Son got postponed several times. When it was finally released it got bad reviews but I don't remember it from any worst movies of the year lists. Like everyone forgot the movie next day. I didn't forgot. It reminded me of Iron Maiden's classic album and song Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. It was kind of weird when no review mentioned Iron Maiden. Maybe album was too old and reviewers don't like good music. This was written listening the album.

Seventh Son and Iron Maiden's song base on same ancient folk lore. Seventh son of a seventh son should have power to heal and second sight. Movie's Seventh Son only has second sight. He can see into future. If he had power to heal I missed it. He is son of a witch which gives him more powers to kill witches. This loose connection didn't make me got to see the movie in cinema. It made me remember it when it came available for streaming.

I don't understand all the hate movie had in reviews. It is not annoyingly bad. It does many things correctly. It looks quite good. It would have interesting story if it didn't throw dozens of characters which are there to die quickly. Those characters who get more time are not interesting. Jeff Bridges thinks he is in comedy when everyone else is doing serious fantasy action movie. That was unsettling. Even more because Jeff Bridges was the best character.

Story itself is quite basic fantasy movie story. Old master and his new apprentice must fight against evil witch and her forces. Movie's biggest sin was to be forgettable. I started writing this right after the movie and I have hard time remembering  what happened and in which order. I only remember Jeff Bridges. Alicia Vikander was great in Ex Machina. In Seventh Son she is female lead and I have hard time remembering what she was like.

Seventh Son is average and forgettable. It is not as bad as reviews said. If you are into fantasy action movies you might like it. It has few interesting story elements but that doesn't take it far.